My kid is very modest.  Or stubborn.  Or both.

I moved the 20-week anatomy scan up from the 29th to today because yesterday I had a rough day.  With hindsight, it was the beer-cheese soup (it is a Midwestern thing — it sounds gross but really is very good) I had for lunch, but I spent most of the afternoon doubled over in the bathroom with horrible diarrhea and even more horrible cramps.  Thanks to having ulcerative colitis for years, I was pretty sure the cramps were all lower GI (which is why I moved the scan up instead of driving to the hospital), but it is still really scary to cramp that much and be 20 weeks pregnant.  No bleeding, no fluid, but I still wanted to see wee-beastie with my own eyes.   

I called my OB’s office and they got me in today, just for the reassurance. 

I had horrible nightmares all night about sick babies and dead babies and how somehow I had done something to cause a sick/dead baby, so by the time we got to the hospital this morning, I was emotionally spent.  Pregnancy dreams are more vivid, but all the more horrifying when they are about sad or terrifying things.   

After two miscarriages, all I want is a healthy baby.  I was just really, really hoping to find out the sex today to help make this whole thing feel a bit more real.  I am still not able to grasp the fact that I AM HAVING A BABY.  Intellectually, I get it.  Emotionally, I just feel a disconnect with the fact that I could be holding my child in July.  Knowing the sex would allow me to better able to see wee-beastie as a future person, at least that was the plan.         

The measurements, at least the ones the technician could get, are all good: brain, heart, femur, head, etc….  Wee-beastie, however, was having none of this “looking at my bits” part.  S/he sat, cross-legged, tushie down, and refused to budge.  Judging from the heartrate of 140, which is usually around 160 when s/he moves around at night, I think we interrupted a nap — a cross-legged, butt-wedged-into-the-bottom-of-my-uterus nap.  How very rude of us!! 

They need some more measurements for some organs/appendages they missed and, obviously, we want to know they sex.  The nurse said the standard protocol is to reschedule in 6 to 8 weeks.  6 to 8 weeks???  I am going to beg my midwife for something earlier.  Then I am going to have a long chat with wee-beastie about how usually in life it is rather inappropriate to show your genitals to anyone who wants to look, but this is a notable exception and that mommy, daddy, and the utltrasound tech just want a quick little peak, and then s/he can go back to perfecting his/her omlette recipes.