New word: “Snortle”
Yesterday I got to deal with my favorite things in the world: sick cat and dog (both vomiting, dog had/has diarrhea) and an eye injury. I can deal with most gruesome medical stuff just fine, but vomit and eyeballs just do me in.
I was taking out my contact lenses Monday night and my eyes were very dry, making it difficult to get them out. When I took my right lens out, it felt like there was something still in my eye. I looked in the mirror, expecting and eyelash, but there was nothing, even though my eye was tearing. I went to bed and when I woke up, my eye really hurt, so I assumed (and this was confirmed by my husband who has had a scratched cornea before) that I must have scratched it with my fingernail. (Ewww!!, I know, I know, eyeballs are gross, so I will not get any more graphic than this, both for your sake and mine.)
I waited a few days, thinking it would heal itself, but it was still driving me crazy yesterday. My eye was spontaneously tearing and for the people who knew that I just had a miscarriage, I looked like I was falling apart mid-sentence in the middle of the day. (Please!! I do my falling apart in private, thank you very much.)
I went to the urgent care to have it looked at, and also because it had been a few days since I had had hospital bracelets on (ID and drug allergy information) and I was going through withdrawl. We did all the usual pre-medical appointment stuff: blood pressure, heart rate, height, weight, etc…. Then, because I had an eye injury, she tested my vision, which, thankfully, is fine. We went back in the room and she stared getting the drops and equipment ready for the doctor, when the nurse remembers she forgot to ask me a question. THE question. The one they always ask that always throws me, because who walks around with this kind of knowledge in the forefront of their mind?
“Date of last menstural period?”
I am sure she was expected a flustered, “uh, well, um, huh, well, it was a few weeks ago? I think? When was _________ [insert recent holiday]? Yeah, it started like 3 days after/before that.” Or even a matter-of-fact “Monday, June 4th.”
Instead I snortled loudly, which is something between a snort and a chortle (which is itself a cross between a snort and a chuckle). I know they need to ask this question because the don’t want to do any procedures or prescribe any medicines that are contra-indicated during pregnancy. Still, I was here for a scratch on my eye. Now I had to give this poor unsuspecting nurse the latest chapter in my woefully pathetic obstetrical history all because of said scratch on eye.
I assured her I wasn’t pregnant; she wanted a date “even if it was approximate.” I knew that once I told her, the whole dynamic between us would change. We would either have to endure that incredibly awkward silence when you tell someone you miscarried and they don’t know what to say, she would tell me all about her sister/cousin/friend/neighbor who had ___ [insert number] miscarriages and now has ___ [insert number] healthy kids, she would give me a pitiful look, assure me “these things happen” and that I am young and can try always again, or (this rarely every happens) she would confess that she too had a miscarriage(s) and that it majorly sucked.
I told her that technically my last menstrual period was way back in early April but that I had just had a D&C a week ago. I got the third option from the menu above.
4mm corneal abrasion. I should let it heal on my own and put anti-biotic ointment in my eye for a week.
Then I went home to clean up new cat vomit and dog vomit. I had to leave the dog diarrhea (I did put paper towels over it) for my husband because I almost threw up, even though I am quite sure the pregnancy hormones are either gone or very low by this point.
FYI: Any man who will clean up dog diarrhea, even begrudgingly, is a keeper.