A Good Article on Miscarriage and Grief

A lot of articles on miscarriage are, well . . . , disappointing. They either bombard you with statistics or talk to you like you are a moron.
One of the midwives in my OB’s office gave me a photocopy of this article when I arrived sobbing in her office after I found out my most recent pregnancy was non-viable. She told me not to read it for a week or so, and when I finally read it today, I thought it was pretty good.

“Solitary Sadness” by Wendy Ponte


June 15, 2007. Miscarriage Links.


  1. Artblog replied:

    Good article.

    Having read many over the years they do tend to slightly differ in their interpretation but in general they all say the say thing.

    When you were told non viable, they know what there talking about. Generally speaking, most miscarriages are non viable embryos, for whatever particular reason. Some are the fault of clotting disorders, a simple blood test is available to check that out, i myself had that done and it was negative so that means that my first two miscarriages where the result of a non viable embryo and the third confirmed that suspicion and the only reason it went on beyond the time the body naturally aborts non viable embryos is because I was on an anti-coagulator (Lovenox), baby aspirin and progesterone suppositories to keep the pregnancy going. Obviously, if I get pregnant again, i will not be taking any of those drugs. I prefer the body to do its job and not leave me with a difficult choice to make.

    But, these things are all a learning process and I learnt, the hard way.

    I too felt guilt for a long time until I realised these facts I now understand that it was a series of bad luck beyond our control.

    Having said all that, the only reason were trying again is that all the geneticists we’ve been in contact with have told us there is no reason why the next one should also be non-viable. In other words, there is always a 5O/50 chance that you can a good one next time. There is no miracle cure just good luck.

    And from experience, I know that to be true. I once did catch a good one so it is possible 🙂


  2. thalya replied:

    Because what I wanted to do was understand, the best thing I read on miscarriage was Jon Cohen’s book, ‘coming to term’, which lays out all the possible reasons for miscarriage cited over the years, and lays them to rest one at a time, except for the blood clotting issues, genetic issues, and a very limited set of immune issues (which are really clotting issues – ie anticardiolipin antibodies). That leaves about 30% unexplained, which is what my first one was. That’s really really hard, but it is just where we are with science right now.

    The best emotional content about miscarriage was the famous, defunct, getupgrrl’s post about the Mizuko Jizo ceremony and all the comments people added. I wish it was still there so you could read it. Let’s hope grrl still has it somewhere and will republish or write a book at some point.

    Sorry to have to make your acquaintance, let’s hope it gets easier from here.

  3. missedconceptions replied:

    Hi Thayla and Art Blog,

    Thanks for the information. I am currently reading “Coming to Term” and “Avoiding Miscarriage” by Susan Rousselot. These just arrived in the mail on Friday, so I am still plugging away.


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