Ever since I started trying to get pregnant over a year ago, I have been very aware of how many women get pregnant every day.  I also noticed, since I have had my first miscarriage, that there seems to be some complex formula in my head regarding how happy (if I am happy at all) I am when someone announces they are pregnant.  Is there some notion among women who have infertility or pregnancy loss that some women “deserve” to be pregnant while others do not?  Can this be codified into an algebraic formula? 

Happiness regarding announcement of pregnancy =

How much you like the woman and/or couple

Plus number of months trying to get pregnant

Times number of miscarriages

Times number of neo-natal losses

Divided by how closely related they are to you

Divided by the degree to which you will have to directly experience the pregnancy

Minus the number of children that they already have

Any thing to add (or subtract, multiply, or divide?)  Please post a comment!!


June 28, 2007. Ramblings.


  1. Calliope replied:

    well of course it should all my multiplied by where one is in their own cycle/journey. X 1 for knocked up or with child, x 2 if going through active treatments, x 3 if being denied insurance coverage, x 4 if actively having a period…

    Your blog is fab- any friend of Art-Sweet is all right in my book. (um…not that I have books to determine who is all right.)

  2. Tam replied:

    Yeah, I agree. It was probably wrong of me to feel that way when I was TTC, but my degree happiness for other people totally depended on how much they suffered first. It’s the same watching the adoption process. I know it’s wrong. I do. It’s pure jealousy and selfishness. Nonetheless…

  3. artsweet replied:

    multipled by the number of baby showers you have to attend for them

    multiplied by amount they whine about their pregnancy

    oooh I could go on and on, but must add a point or two for gratutious bump stroking and tight-fitting “look, I’ve got an outie now!” shirts.

  4. amanda replied:

    Hysterical–you are so right. It is a total crap-shoot for me, how i feel when i hear (more often than i ever thought possible) that someone i know is pregnant. Especially interesting if they weren’t even trying.

  5. Niobe replied:

    In addition to all the other unpleasant emotions, I can’t stop myself from thinking: “This is just awful. She’s so happy and excited and all the tests and ultrasounds look absolutely perfect. I’m so, so sorry for her. Little does she know that all this seemingly good news is just going to make it that much harder for her when her baby dies.”

    Then, when, of course, her baby doesn’t die, I hate her. And her baby.

  6. Liz B. replied:

    The square root of all the above if she ever empathized with you about the heart ache of struggling with infertility and then gets pregnant after only 6 months of normal trying with zero medical interventions. That would be my cousin after two months of trying when I’d been ttc for two years with no insurance coverage. She now has a 9 month old little girl and I have an intense desire to punch her.

  7. Megan replied:

    Minus how old my first baby would be if I hadn’t lost it.

    Divided by the number of times she told me she doesn’t like kids all that much.

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