Dear MissedConceptions,

I read your post a few days ago when you thought you might have a very, very long cycle. Ha! Ha! That was a good one, wasn’t it? I know you were taking your temp, peeing on OPK sticks, and thinking that your sore boobs could be an indication that you were ovulating, but you were wrong, wrong, wrong, weren’t you? Ha! Ha! So here you sit, on day 25 of you cycle, and instead of being the longest cycle ever, me and my friends, Ovvy Left and Ovvy Right, decided to play a big trick on you and instead give you the shortest cycle every. Ha! Ha! Wasn’t that funny? Were you totally surprised when your period started today? Wasn’t that amusing? Ovvy Left thought you might be a little pissed, but Ovvy Right assured both of us you would think it was absolutely hilarious.

The funniest part, I think, is how you really could have used that super-long cycle to help stabilize your thyroid levels. Now you have to go do bloodwork to make sure you are out of the “danger zone” and see if you can start trying again this cycle. Isn’t that funny?

We just totally crack ourselves up sometimes.

XXOO,

Your uterus

p.s. I do not like the scraping action one bit. Should you continue to do this, I will continue to get really angry and require lots of methergine to calm me back down. Curettes are to uteri what, well, I don’t know exactly what but something really painful, are to humans so cut it out. (Get it? Cut. It. Out. Ha! Ha! Hilarious.)

p.p.s. Well, did you like the second part of the joke? You are spotting and have horrible cramps, but your period didn’t actually start? We thought it would be funny to stick you in menstruation purgatory for a while. Enjoy the agonizing PMS!! Smooches!

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August 3, 2007. Attempts at Humor, Trying Again.

3 Comments

  1. DD replied:

    I’ve received similar “Dear Liz” letters. To take out my frustrations when Ovaries and Uterus are being asses, I imagine they are the fax machine that gets whacked in Office Space.

  2. Ashley Bass replied:

    Liz, I am sorry to hear about aunt flow visiting you before ovulation. Hopefully everything will turn out better for you next cycle. I hope you get the go ahead and that the Vitex works for you!

  3. Anya replied:

    You’d think those suckers would be on our side seeing as that we take them everywhere with us and keep them nice and warm.

    Bastards.

    Anns xo

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