Selfish Thoughts

Let me preface this post with this: I really, really, really want to be pregnant.

Today I had to start making plans for my European trip in March and now I am very excited to travel.  I went last year and had an amazing time, even though Mr. MC was not able to go with me.  This year I will travel to Spain and France and the trip will be amazing (I should know as I did most of the planning myself).

If I am pregnant (2 more negative HPTs today) this cycle, the trip is not going to work because I will be too far along (ha!! she thinks: wishful thinking!) to travel internationally.  I was pregnant the same time last year (miscarriage #1) and had a trip to Europe planned for the same time that my OB was not very happy about.  A moot point because I found out I had a blighted ovum two weeks later, but I don’t think flying around the world in the third-trimester sans husband is ever really a good idea.

So, I would not go so far as to say that I do not want to get pregnant this cycle.  If I am, I will be thrilled.  If I am not, however, this probably means that I can go to Europe.  Given my history, I feel awful for even letting a part of me be okay with not being pregnant, but the truth is, a part of me will be okay — perhaps even a little happy? — if I get pregnant in the next few months instead of this month.

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August 30, 2007. Miscarriage #1, Trying Again.

6 Comments

  1. babystep replied:

    What DPO are you now? I hope you are pregnant this cycle, but if not, Europe sounds fantastic. Cheeses and Wine and tartare, Oh My!

  2. DD replied:

    After hearing about the Baby Haven (my pwp site), it’s just an extra incentive for me to be pregnant SOON so I DON’T have to go and be with my crazy fertile in-laws.

    Whatever you’re wishing for, I’ll wish it with you.

  3. Mary replied:

    It is totally fine, and totally normal to feel that way!!!! That is what life is all about lady! Oh, and as if my opinion counts (why would it… you don’t know me… I’m some strange internet stalker… uh, in a good way… I probably should quit using that term…), I traveled overseas in my first trimester.. WILL NOT do that again… I WOULD however travel in my third trimester, so long as it wasn’t the last two months.. I still felt pretty decent… So long as your OBG doesn’t object that is! Oh, but really, if you aren’t PG THIS cycle, what is one or two more in the grand scheme of things? (ha.. more easily said than realized, eh?)

  4. Mary replied:

    darn. I wanted to say too (I forgot, and now I can’t edit…) I love the little smiley face at the bottom. =o)

  5. Artblog replied:

    Better to be honest with yourself then not and regret it later on. i got those feelings when I got pregnant because as i wasn’t expecting it, the house was no way near finished, and still isn’t because I cant do a thing with this MS! its normal to want cake and eat it, human nature. good luck whatever happens 🙂

  6. niobe replied:

    If I were one of those annoying people who always looked on the bright side, I would say something like: So, pregnancy or fabulous European trip, either way you’ll have something to be thrilled about. And who knows, (I haven’t worked out the timing) maybe you’ll be able to have both!

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