Bajingo Dentata

I went to the dentist yesterday. The dentist as in the person who cleans and cares for your teeth. I thought I was safe from miscarriage/pregnancy/fertility talk. I was wrong.

I have one cavity, gingivitis and one cracked filling. “Golly jeepers,” I said to the hygienist, “how does one crack a filling?“You,” she replied sternly, “are a clencher and a grinder.” This, in case you are wondering, is not a good thing to be. And for those of you with a dirty mind, she means my jaw.

I got the lecture about flossing (okay!), using Listerine twice a day (okay!), wearing a night guard (ew, but okay!), and getting my cavity filled (fuck! okay!). After the “YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR LETTING YOUR MOUTH ROT LIKE THIS” lecture, she asked what happened to my previous mouthguard. I explained that I had lost it when we moved and last year I didn’t get another one made because I was pregnant and very, very gaggy. It just slipped out, I swear. “That’s okay, they now make new ones that only go over your front four teeth to cut down on the gagging,” she explained without missing a beat. I was relieved, not about the size of the stupid mouth guard, but that she didn’t ask about the pregnancy.

I thought I was done, that I would be able to get through a fucking dental appointment without being reminded that both my pregnancies have miserably failed, and then she did it. She smiled that smile that people smile when they are going to say something sentimental and sweet. “The nausea is all worth it, though, isn’t it? How old is your baby now?”

Fuck.

The hygienist, who knows my saga, quietly explained to the dentist that my uterus is a hospice for embryos (in that they only go there to die). It was obvious that they both felt awful. Well, good, because so did I.

I can’t schedule my filling appointment until I know if I am pregnant or not this cycle, because the procedure can be “risky” during the first trimester. Given my past, I do not need to add anything risky to the formula. Although I am tempting to get a t-shirt printed that says “MY DENTAL FILLINGS KILLED MY FETUS.” Either that or “BAJINGO DENTATA.”*

*If you are not fortunate enough to know what a bajingo dentata is, please click here for the non-MC version of the term.

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October 18, 2007. Other Sucky Things, Trying Again.

5 Comments

  1. DD replied:

    I didn’t think dirty about the clencher and biter comment until you told me NOT to. Thanks.

    I don’t think it’s possible to get through any “routine” check up w/o a pregnancy coming up. I can’t get lasik for my eyes b/c a “pregnancy can alter my vision”. Great.

  2. Ms. Planner replied:

    A clencher AND a grinder. Tee hee. Love it.

    I was prepped and ready for my recent gum sugery when my dentist (who is also my neighbor) said, “now, we didn’t take any ibruprofen this morning, did we?” And I told him no, but I do take 81mg of baby aspirin every day. His face went slack. We couldn’t do the surgery because the aspirin, even at the low dose, would cause excessive bleeding in my mouth. “How long have you been doing that?” he asked of my aspirin use. “Since my doctor told to me to after my second miscarriage.” Nurse gasps. Cue tears (mine). We all felt horrible, but my dentist/neighbor did give me a gift certificate for a nearby gelato stand. He said he thought I needed it that day.

  3. babystep replied:

    I also have a dentist story — I went to get a cleaning during my 2ww and they realized I hadn’t had x-rays in a while…the tech asked me if I could be pregnant and instead of the standard “no way” I said, “Maybe”. So then the questions ensued…and she practically yelled, “Dr. J, she thinks she is pregnant!” I tried to say that it wasn’t what I said, but it didn’t matter. Dr. J came to my chair and said congratulations….I told him then I probably wasn’t pregnant but it was possible, and to be on the safe side….then he asked me if we were trying, and I quietly said “Yes”. Then he felt the need to tell me that his wife gets pregnant every time he looks at her. WHY. WHY. WHY. I wanted to stab him in the eyeball with one of his dental instruments (preferably the dullest and most painful)

  4. niobe replied:

    Bajingo dentata is, I think, one of my new favorite expressions. Though, unfortunately, I don’t foresee all that many occasions when its use will be either appropriate or appreciated.

  5. artsweet replied:

    You need to switch dentists. This sounds like classic the dentist-with-the-dog-in-her-office… We LOVED our other dentist – will email you the name.

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