I must be a brand-name snob because once the “First Response” pregnancy test turned positive this morning, it felt real. Not “I am going to have a baby” real, but “I now have HCG in my system” real.
I called my RE per his orders (“Call me AS SOON as you get a positive pregnancy test”). I assumed since he is an RE with a God-complex (a prerequisite of the job, I am quite sure) that he worked on Sunday. I got through to the nurse-on-call, who told me to double the progesterone dose (200 mg twice a day instead of once a day) and call “first thing tomorrow” for an initial beta and a prescription and lessons for my Lovenox injections.
I am surprisingly calm, all things considered. I am sure the freaking-out will ensure in the next few days. Either that or I will start bleeding and completely fall apart.
Here is what you are not allowed to say:
1) “The third time’s the charm.” Please, please, please don’t say that or I will hate you forever.
2) “I just know everything is going to work out this time.” You don’t know. You think you may know, you may want to believe it will work out, but you don’t know. If you perhaps do really know, you should be doing bigger things with your omnipotent power than reading miscarriage blogs.
3) “Just keep thinking positive.” Yeah, that doesn’t work. Biology works in mysterious ways. If thinking positively could change the outcome of things, there would be no miscarriage/infant loss blogs.