Busy as a (Gaggy) Bee

I intentionally booked all my appointments and meetings for this week. First, being this busy helps to take my mind off of the ultrasound next Monday. Second, if I get bad news at the ultrasound, I can fall apart and not have to reschedule anything.

I know. I am such a freaking optimist.

After two miscarriages, the best I can do is realist. Things might be fine but they might not, so it is best to just try and take things as they come.

It is amazing to walk around campus and realize that everyone I see, even if their mothers were not wanded, was at some point a healthy first-trimester pregnancy. They had a head, a body, and a strong heart. They grew and developed and grew and developed and were born. This process is such a normal thing — every child or adult you see is a testament to its success — but it feels like it is continually out of my grasp. I have never had a “good” ultrasound. I had an early ultrasound after I started spotting in pregnancy #2 to ensure that the sac was in the uterus. I also had a 5 and something-week ultrasound with pregnancy #2 that showed a sac and yolk sac, but it was too early to see anything else. Those were the “okay” ones; every other ultrasound I have had either showed an empty sac at 10+ weeks or an embryo with a very slow, non-viable heart rate. I think realistic is pretty good, all things considered.

My boobs are still killing me, the gaggyness is getting more pronounced, and if I don’t eat or if I smell something funny, I get hit with nausea. The Plan is still working, even though I freaked out this morning when the test line was a wee bit lighter than yesterday. I forgot, however, that I got up and peed in the middle of the night; when I took another one this afternoon, it was back to being very dark. How can a 6-week pregnant uterus make you have to pee so much? It must be the hormones more than the physical weight, right?

On a totally non-related note, I heard a rumor that tonight is the last “Office” recorded before the writers’ strike. (Sniffle)

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November 15, 2007. Miscarriage #1, Miscarriage #2, Pregnancy #3.

4 Comments

  1. DD replied:

    I’m making myself “back away from the pee-sticks…slowly…slowly”.

    Michelle reminded me that if I had used a digital HPT, it would just still say “pregnant”, not “more pregnant” or start blinking or glow when it reached a certain level.

    Just pregnant.

    (ha! as if there’s a “just” in this busines…)

  2. Meg replied:

    Your thoughts cannot be anymore clearer to me. I know where you are at and you are doing the right thing, just taking it one day at a time….with distractions too which is wonderful. I just read your entry and stepped right back into my life- I hear you and you are in my thoughts for sure…..good happy sticky thoughts!

  3. babystep replied:

    Gagginess is good! šŸ™‚ I will think positive thoughts for you when it is too hard for you to do yourself.

    xoxoxo

  4. Tina replied:

    I know exactly where you are coming from… Days before each u/s, my nausea gets worse because my anxiety kicks in high gear – I don’t know what will happen at that next u/s. Will this baby make it? Or, am I preparing for another fall.

    Will be thinking of you…and hoping for good news for you for Monday. Although, I know and you know that one good u/s does not always mean anything either. It is our reality – and it sucks.

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