End of the Line

I am slowly starting to freak out.  I am fighting it and doing a miserable job.

In both my previous pregnancies, I had way more nausea than this, even with the blighted ovum.  With pregnancy #2, when my hormone levels were normal even though the embryonic heart was not, I was puking by this point.

My boob are not as sore today.  The gagginess is not as severe.  I have very mild cramps on and off, but nothing very noteworthy.  The only “pregnant” symptoms I have are that I am utterly exhausted and feel like I am emotionally falling apart.

The Plan has ceased to be a source of comfort because I am not sure that the lines are still getting darker.  Granted, I am 30-31dpo (6w2-3d), and pregnancy tests, much like Niobe suggested, may have a maximum darkness.  I just can’t tell anymore.

My 6.5 week ultrasound is 37.5 hours away.  Everytime I think about it, all the blood runs out of my head and I feel faint with dread.

I feel like I have managed to hold it together for over two weeks, and now I am entitled to completely lose my shit.

So please excuse me while I go completely lose my shit.

November 17, 2007. Pregnancy #3.


  1. Mary replied:

    It may be that your stress is taking over? I remember having a similar freak-out. I spent the entire first trimester certain that every time I’d go into the doctor, they’d say “oops, we made a mistake. Turn’s out you’ve just gotten fat.” I’ll keep you (and your bean) in my prayers!

  2. babystep replied:

    Oh sweetie, Don’t lose your shit. I am so sorry that you are freaking out. It sounds like this pregnancy is different than the other two…could be a good thing?

  3. Meg replied:

    Sometimes a loss of shit is exactly what needs to be done….thinking about you…it’s not far away anymore…just a few more hours

  4. Aurelia replied:

    Okay, micro hcg shots prevented morning sickness in me. Seriously I felt like a million bucks every time I took one, no nausea, no issues. I have a feeling that no nausea is a good sign.

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