Bitter, Bitchy, Barfy
I was told if I could just hold out until week 16 that the nausea and vomiting would all go away. I am well into week 19 and I am STILL puking and still nauseous. This is not to the same degree as before, but still. I think this phase of it may have something to do with my cold and my job stress, which are also both migraine triggers, but I honestly did think it would magically all just disappear and never return. I sound like a bitter pregnant bitch, I know. I am trying not to be bitter. I just really can’t believe I am still having to pop Zofran several times a day to hold back the pukes.
I have also only gained 4 lbs. Four. I know that bitching about not gaining a lot of weight in pregnancy does not illicit much sympathy, but I am worried. I actually only lost two pounds during Pukeapalooza (that I did not lose more is a testament to my body’s miraculous fat-binding abilities considering how very little I was actually holding down), so I guess I have really gained 6 lbs, but I fear this is not enough for 19 weeks. My OB is not concerned, but I am. I am not asking to gain a lot of weight; I guess just need reassurance that everything is fine in wee-beastie land. I am also worried because I think a lot of the weight gain is in my boobs. Nothing much happened in the first trimester boob-wise, but now things are really a changin’. “The Girls” have gone on a real growth spurt in the past few weeks, and I need to get refitted for a bra. I don’t know that I am ready for the whole maternity/nursing bra route just yet, so I think I will just invest in some regular bras (well, as “regular” as you can be in a 38DDD) for the short-term. I am genuinely afraid to see how big they continue to get.
Speaking of wee-beastie land, I am thinking of asking my OB to move up my anatomy scan. Right now it is scheduled for the 29th of February, and I really do feel I might just crack by then. A small part of the anxiety of it is finding out the sex; a much larger part is confirmation that wee-beastie is growing and healthy. Even with my doppler, I still worry. Even with the internal hokey-pokey, I still worry. I am scared to be too optimistic, even at this point. I will be 20 weeks on Thursday, so perhaps my OB’s office will move it up to this week?
The good news is that it looks like I will get fall semester off for maternity leave and then I will be able to teach the next two semesters part-time on “research leave.” Granted, at some point I have to crank out a book manuscript from my dissertation research (oh, THAT), but I am so relieved that Mr. MC and I will not have to put wee-beastie in daycare until s/he is well over a year old. The though of handing my as-of-yet-unborn infant over to someone else for hours on end makes me want to dissolve into tears.