Panic

That feeling — the feeling that something is horribly wrong — is back.

I am having horrible, horrible nightmares about sick babies, babies that aren’t growing right, or babies that die.  It is awful and terrifying.

Mr. MC talked to my midwife: my weight gain, or lack of weight gain, is not normal.  The last ultrasound, over a month ago, showed that the baby is growing fine, but I am outside of normal parameters, which to my mind is never good news. 

So for now I just sit here and cry and panic and hope that there is just something wrong with me and not wee-beastie.  PLEASE don’t let there be something wrong with wee-beastie.  Please.  Please.  Please.

I can feel wee-beastie kicking and I am listening to his/her little heart just beat just like it should, but instead of being a comfort it is just making me more afraid. 

I hope they can move the ultrasound up from Monday.  I can not wait that long without completely falling apart. 

UPDATE: They moved my ultrasound up to 10AM tomorrow morning.  At least that is something. 

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March 26, 2008. Pregnancy #3.

6 Comments

  1. Megan replied:

    Well, crap. I’m so sorry that you are scared and that things aren’t going along just like they’re supposed to. I worry even when everything seems to be going just right, so I know this is torture. I am wishing and praying that you will have peace of mind, a sooner ultrasound, and that both you and wee-beastie will be well and get fat.

  2. Caro replied:

    Hope everything is ok and that you can get scanned sooner.

  3. Rachel replied:

    You are in my thoughts.

    Hopefully this will help, a former coworker only gained 7 pounds during her entire pregnancy and her baby was born fine. Maybe you are just the exception.

    I hope the scan gets moved up for your peace of mind.

  4. Meg replied:

    I am so glad you have an earlier ultrasound. Hopefully you will find some relief tomorrow morning and find out it was just your mind playing tricks on you and your little one is okay.

    I am thinking of you and know the next several hours will be excruciatingly long for you. Hang in there.

  5. Calliope replied:

    thinking of you!

  6. Vanessa Mackay replied:

    I lost weight, twice with both pregnancies (vvvvommitting and not wanting to eat for fear of vomiting – baked dinners, the lot) and now have mostly happy long skinny kids who are as pretty and as handsome as can be. Enjoy all those lovely kicks in stomach and wonder at the possibility of somebody really living inside you, who will be all yours.

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