File Under Either: “Stupid Things That People Say” or “Wow, MC Has A Tremendous Amount of Self-Restraint”

I had to return some duplicate gifts to Tarzhay Boutique. The girl who was processing returns looked at my pregnant tummy and exclaimed, WOW, I was told that being pregnant in the summer is like the WORST. THING. EVER!!”

What I wanted to say: “No, actually spending last summer bleeding heavily for several weeks after my second miscarriage was far worse.”

OR: “No, being pregnant in the summer is AWESOME compared to not being pregnant when you really want to be.”

OR: “Being hot, sweaty and pregnant is far, REALLY far, from the worst thing ever. In fact, it pretty much rocks compared to the WORST. THING. EVER. , whatever the heck that is (although I do have a few ideas).

Instead, I said: “Yes, a refund on a gift cards is just fine.”

What I really wanted to add: “You stupid naive idiot.”


My father, in an e-mail (the only way we really communicate because he is deaf, and refuses to learn sign language or use the TTD device on the phone) told me yesterday: “I LOVE YOU AND MR. MC AND HE-BEASTIE AND LOOK FORWARD TO HAVING HIM IN OUR FAMILY BUT WHAT YOUR MOTHER HAS DONE TO ME HAS TAKEN MOST OF THE JOY OUT OF THIS.” (Yes, he apparently also yells loudly when he types not because he is deaf, because he hasn’t figured out that all caps = yelling).

What I wanted to reply: What mom has “done to you” is, after 37 years of being unhappily married, to finally leave after living with someone who is bi-polar who refuses to see a therapist or take any medicine for the condition. He still, even after smashing many a house-hold object in fits of rage, spending through a chunk of their retirement during a manic episodes, and spending Christmas and New Years in the psychiatric ward (my mom had him committed when he smashed the second flat-screen TV when she cut off his credit cards) with the official diagnosis of “severely depressed/bi-polar,” doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him.

I also wanted to add: How does your wife leaving you possibly diminish the joy for your first grandchild, unless you are just wallowing in self-pity and a completely selfish asshole.

What I realized: He is just wallowing in self-pity and a completely selfish asshole.

[What I am also fervently wishing: He-beastie did not get the bi-polar gene in my family. Let’s hope that Mr. MC’s genes either dilute it or cancel it out completely. ]


But I didn’t say nasty things to either the little Tarzhay girl or my father, because apparently I have a tremendous amount of self-restraint even when I am hot, sweaty, and 8 months pregnant.

Yesterday, I was 8 months. I am today, officially, 9 months pregnant.

June 12, 2008. Miscarriage #2, Other Sucky Things, Pregnancy #3.


  1. tina replied:

    Eh, people are indeed naive, as you said. But your dad… that’s a tough situation 😦 My biological father is paranoid schizophrenic and I also hope that the gene stopped with him.

    I was 9 months pregnant last summer. Not fun, but not the worst thing in the world. 🙂

  2. K @ ourboxofrain replied:

    I’m impressed with your self-restraint. I probably wouldn’t have said anything in either instance either, but more because I’m a wimp than for any other reason.

    Congrats on nine months!

  3. niobe replied:

    I wish I had some adequate response to your description of your father’s situation. But, of course, I don’t.

  4. Sam replied:

    Impressive. I am fairly sure that I would be tempted to say, “Well I will have this baby and you’ll still be….” Oh wait. I did say that, or something like that, to my husband recently. Goodness. You’re a better woman than I am.

  5. Rachel replied:

    MC, thinking of you.

  6. Jensational replied:

    Just had to comment about the heat in the summer thing. I’m due in July and the heat comments are really annoying. It’s not like I live on the equater. It doesn’t get THAT hot. Plus, the office is air-conditioned . . . I don’t know why people think the heat is so very very torturous. Peeing every five seconds is far more annoying than sweating a little.

  7. Wendy replied:

    Yes, restraint is good, although you get away with a lot more when you are pregnant! LOL! I never remember the heat bothering me when I was 9 months pregnant in August…seriously. I just remember being so damn excited to have the baby. And I am so damn excited that you are having a baby! We can’t wait to meet him..not until after the 27th of course!

  8. Liz replied:

    Hugs. Many many many hugs.

    And a retort: “I positively LOVE being hot and sweaty during the last month of pregnancy! It brings back wonderful and vivid memories of how I got this way!”

  9. Ms Planner replied:

    OMG! You are in the home stretch, sister… I am so excited for you and cannot wait to meet He-Beastie.

    Your comments to the sales clerk made me laugh. I always think of witty things to say (and would never have the guts to say them) after the fact. You are mighty clever…

    As for your father, it is sad when someone takes something like the birth of a child and wraps it around their own issues or can’t see the miracle past their issues. Sounds like you realize that this is his gig and not yours, but I can understand the disappointment such a statement would bring.

    And Mustela (huge sniff!). I love it, too.

  10. Kona replied:

    I have a huge list of “people are incredibly rude” comments too! Next time some jerk says something rude to me, I have decided to let them know right then and there that: 1) They have no manners and 2) If you don’t have something nice to day,don’t say it at all! MC, you deserve a ginormous gold medal for being so restrained at Target.

    Last week I had a rude old man comment on my infant daughter’s name at the grocery store. I told him her name (when he asked) and he literally grimaced like he had eaten a sour lemon and said, “EWWWW!!”
    How flipping rude is that?! I took the high road and told him we think her name is beautiful. But I really wanted to punch him square in the nose! LOL. ;-)I also had a woman ask me when I was pregnant what the sex of my baby was…I told her it was a girl. She then said,”Oh, too bad because moms have a *special* bond with their boys.” Hmmm? Didn’t I just tell her I was having a GIRL? WTF? Aren’t people rude and dumb? It amazes me.

    Thanks for sharing your grace under fire. 😉 I guess we have put up with a bunch of Bozos in this crazy world.And that includes family, unfortunately, sometimes, too. ;-( DH is always encouraging me to let this stuff “go” and forgive people for their stupidness, or their lack of compassion, rudeness, etc. Accolades to you for not blowing up at the clerk!

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