Please, Help Them

The most popular search term that brings people to my blog is “Hugh Laurie,” which I find very odd.  In the past 30 days, 330 hits have been for our dear Dr. House.  Other terms, as you would expect, are “miscarriage,” “tww,” “fetal heart rate,” and the like.

Except for these.

These people really, really need help.

“dirt on the duggars”

MC: They have sex, especially when she is fertile.  And then she has a healthy baby.  Bitch.

“if a baby dies in your uterus do you pee”

MC: You pee because your bladder is full.  If you drink liquid, assuming a normal renal system, you will eventually pee.  Pregnancy can make you pee more frequently and when you sneeze, but dead babies don’t make you pee.  You make you pee.  Dead babies, I have found, make you very, very sad.

“can lavendar baths create boobs in baby”

MC:  I am guessing not.  But perhaps boobs and lavender bath salts can create a baby?  And “lavender” has two “e”s and one “a”.  Spellcheck is awesome.  Make it your friend.

“wifes revenge on sissy husband”

MC: See above.

“not very known facts”

MC:  As an educator, this makes my head ache.  Facts are “well known,” not “very known,”  so something can be “not well known” but not “not very known.”  Unless, for example, you do not very know grammar very well.

“doctor i swallow my husbands cum last night”

MC: What is your doctor going to do, besides correct your grammar?  No, you can’t get pregnant by swallowing your husband’s cum, in case you were wondering.  But if you could, you would, like Mrs. Duggar, probably have a perfectly healthy baby after a nausea-free pregnancy.

“my brother is a selfish bastard”

MC: He’s family.  Someone in your family is going to be a selfish bastard.  Better your brother, I say, than a parent.

“i like peeing in my maxi pad”

MC: Okay, each to his (or her) own.  But why look this up on the internet?  Are you trying to find a discussion group of like-minded maxi-pad pee-er aficionados?  Also, they have a great new product for people like you: adult diapers.

“natural birth tylenol”

MC: Yeah, good luck with that.

October 22, 2008. Attempts at Humor, Ramblings. 7 comments.

Yep, MC is Going to Bitch About Yeast Again

I thought it was gone.  I am on my last day of Diflucan (oral medicine) and have religiously applied Monistat cream to my nipples for 7 days.  I pumped exclusively and carefully washed all the pump parts with hot, soapy water while Baby S dined from bottles with sterilized nipples.  My symptoms went away!  I was optimistic!  Then I started nursing again yesterday and, to quote the ever-annoying Emeril, BAM!, right back to the burning nipples today.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I blame the stupid NP at the pediatrician’s office two weeks ago who told me Baby S did not need to be treated if he was asymptomatic.  She was wrong.  I knew she was wrong, but she is an NP with years of clinical experience and I followed what she recommended, which was not to treat Baby S for yeast.  Did I mention I knew she was wrong?  My midwife said she was wrong.  The nurse I spoke to this morning said she was wrong.  I should have not been so complacent and insisted on medicine for Baby S, too.  (I just got a call back from the doctor: he says the NP was “not correct” about discontinuing the medication.  So I will not be charged for that visit, right?  She will be reprimanded?  Told not to be such a smug beeyotch next time?  Encouraged to research chronic yeast infections before opening her “I-Have-Years-of-Clinical-Experience-and-You-Don’t” mouth?)

Oh, and my hair is falling out.  I had, according to Mr. MC and my hairstylist, thick, shiny, gorgeous hair during my pregnancy.  At exactly 3 months post-partum, my hair started falling out.  I knew this was normal, so initially I was not alarmed.  Except that it kept on coming out.  Like a LOT.  Like ALL THE TIME.  It is really thin now, especially around my face.  I know my thyroid is okay, so here’s hoping the book is right and this resolves itself by 6 months, because I shudder to think how awful I would look bald.

Here is Baby S at 4.5 months, who somehow manages to make thin hair work.

October 20, 2008. Life With Baby, Other Sucky Things, The Magnificent Baby S. 7 comments.

Pain in the Boob (Updated)

The fucking yeast isn’t gone.

Now, just to add to the fun, I have the beginnings of mastitis.

Antibiotics can cause an overgrowth of yeast; yeast makes your nipples burn like hell; burning, yeast-infected nipples crack and split; nipples get infected; a course of antibiotics is given to stop the infection.

Does anyone else see a real problem with this?

I am taking both the anti-fungal and the anti-biotic simultaneously and swallowing as many pro-biotics as I can.  I am also trying to cut out (or at least down on) sugar, as sugar feeds the nasty little wee-yeasties.

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Two years ago, I went in for my 10-week ultrasound and discovered I had a blighted ovum.  Today, I am watching my son try to suck on his thumb and blogging about pains in my boobs.  All things considered, life is good.

UPDATE: And now, due to the anti-biotic, the yeast is back with a vengeance, even though I am still taking the anti-fungal.  Baby S and I are both now back on the topic anti-fungal.  I can’t win, I swear.

October 10, 2008. Miscarriage #1, Other Sucky Things, The Magnificent Baby S. 3 comments.

More of the Same

The yeast is still here.  It is better, but it still burns after I nurse and Baby S is still not himself.  The Nystatin is not very powerful, but is the first anti-fungal that is used.  Now, I think, it might be time to move onto something more powerful.  Baby S continues to grow like a weed and, based on our crappy home scale, is about 16lbs (!!!!).

I am too tired to post much as I have to entertain relatives this weekend.  Here are some update photos of Baby S for your viewing pleasure:

October 5, 2008. Other Sucky Things, The Magnificent Baby S. 4 comments.