Other Shoe Perched Precariously on Ledge

It’s not bad news.  It’s not good news, either, but I am trying (and mostly failing) to focus on the fact that it is not bad news.

Baby S had to go and see a pediatric neurologist today.  At his 4-month check up, his pediatrician noticed that he had some shaking when he sat up.  He thought they may have been mild seizures and requested an EEG and pulled some strings to forgo the usual 6-month wait to see the specialist.

The EEG was normal.  He is not having seizures.  The neurologist confirmed this today.

Mr. MC and I had both noticed the shakiness, or “trembling” as the doctor called it today, but we assumed it was just muscle fatigue.  The trembling began when he started holding his head up and then moved into his shoulders and arms when he began to hold his torso up.  It is worse when he is tired or has been sitting up for a while.

The neurologist said it was not muscle fatigue.  He does not know what it is, exactly.  The rest of his neurological exam was normal, so we are to come back in four months and by then it will either have resolved itself or other symptoms will have presented themselves and he will be better able to make a diagnosis.

I hate to wait.  HATE IT.  I waited so long for this baby, my beautiful baby boy, and now I have to wait to see if there is something wrong with him?

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I want to cry.  I want to hold him and never let go.  I want the doctor to call back and tell me that Baby S will be fine and this is nothing to worry about.  I want my baby to be fine and perfect and healthy.

Instead, I am going to take a shower and go teach a class.  Baby S is with my mom, who is no doubt showering him with her usual love and affection.  I really want to cancel class, but I think I need to get my mind off of this for a little while.

Fuck.

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November 10, 2008. Life With Baby, Other Sucky Things, The Magnificent Baby S, Waiting Around is Not For Sissies.

13 Comments

  1. Korinna replied:

    Oh, man!

    Am hoping that everything is okay with Baby S and that maybe he is just a little shaky because he is so excited about life. Right? Wouldn’t that be a great diagnosis.

    Seriously, though, keep us updated on what the doctor says.

  2. Iris replied:

    Waiting around is definitely not for sissies. I’d send you strength and patience if I could figure out how to send them as an attachment. Since I can’t seem to make that work, though, eat some chocolate and pretend it’s from me.

    Thinking of you and Mr. MC and Baby S (who is the cutest baby EVER, btw).

  3. DD replied:

    Oh the waiting! Jeezus, does it ever end? How can the doctor say what it isn’t (muscle fatigue) if he doesn’t have an idea what it is? Did he give any possibilities?

  4. Kath replied:

    Oh, MC, no. I’m so sorry about this. I wish you didn’t have this uncertain waiting now… But I am hoping with all my heart that this turns out to be completely harmless. Hugs.

  5. liz replied:

    I’m so sorry, I hope it turns out to be nothing and that 4 months from now you’ll be saying, “Shaking? Oh yeah! I remember being worried about that!”

  6. Sam replied:

    Ah fuck. I am so sorry that they are making you wait. *sigh* Damn doctors.

  7. Farah replied:

    oh my … i am waiting with you. hugs

  8. Meg replied:

    Hang in there. I am holding hope for you and baby S. Waiting is the hardest part – but at least baby S is not having to wait. He is the half that will stay happy, in the moment and perfect.

  9. artsweet replied:

    Crap. I’m sure Mr. MC has already medical googled the crap out of this. Baby S – stop scaring your parents!

  10. leanne replied:

    So sorry that you are going through this. I am hoping and praying that this will soon just be a memory and you can get back to enjoying your baby without the worry.

  11. Aurelia replied:

    I’m sorry this is so stressful, crap, meanwhile, please hold on to the possibility that it is nothing and no big deal and you really shouldn’t drive yourself crazy.

    If it was something bad, they wouldn’t let you leave the hospital, really.

  12. niobe replied:

    It sounds absolutely terrifying. Thinking of you and hoping for unequivocally good news as soon as possible.

  13. Artblog replied:

    I’m late with this too (sorry) HUGS from me, hoping it all works out, you must be a nervous wreck, I know I’d be.

    XXXXXXXXXX

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