“Are you pregnant?”
I hated this question because I always wanted to clarify what was meant by “pregnant.” Do I have HCG in my system? Is there something in my uterus? Is there something alive in my uterus? Is there something alive in my uterus that will eventually grow into a healthy baby?
And, if one were to answer yes to all of the above, how long would it stay that way?
“Is this your first baby?”
Yes, Baby S is my first baby.
“Is this your first pregnancy?”
No, this was not my first pregnancy. It was my third.
If you have ever had a miscarriage, however, you know that being pregnant and having a baby are not the same thing.
“Is this your first?”
Well, it depends on whether you mean pregnancy or baby. When people ask me this, I usually just say “yes” because I assume they mean child.
“I am very sorry that you lost a baby.”
I don’t feel like I lost two babies. I lost two pregnancies. It was crushing and sad and awful but it is not the same kind of loss as a still-birth or a child that dies very young. I never got to hold or see my child; the idea of a baby was completely an abstract concept. I lost the hope, joy, and potential that a baby represents, but I did not lose a baby.
“You got the baby you were supposed to have.”
What do you say to this? I had two embryos die in my uterus, had the insides scraped out, bawled my eyes out, etc…, just so I could arrive at the “right” baby? Baby S is here, yes, because I had two miscarriages. The particular sperm/egg combination was unique to that month. Yet, without knowing why the other pregnancies failed, I do not know how to process the idea that those pregnancies were somehow wrong or “not meant to be.”
Anyone want to add anything else?
1. She’s 40.
2. She’s barely four months pregnant and not due until August.
3. When she found out she was pregnant, she immediately told her 3-year old daughter and they jumped up and down together in the kitchen.
4. She also drew a little family around her positive pee-stick and hung it on the door for her husband to see.
5. She openly referred to herself as a “fertile Myrtle” on broadcast television.
This is a woman who not only has never had a miscarriage; nay, this is a woman who, at 40, never even entertained the possibility of a miscarriage. She has already freakin’ publicly named the baby and she is barely 4 months pregnant. Oh, to be this naive again.
I can’t decide if I am jealous or if I really hate her.
Okay, I know I hate her but I am trying decide if perhaps I am also a wee bit jealous.