“Are you pregnant?”
I hated this question because I always wanted to clarify what was meant by “pregnant.” Do I have HCG in my system? Is there something in my uterus? Is there something alive in my uterus? Is there something alive in my uterus that will eventually grow into a healthy baby?
And, if one were to answer yes to all of the above, how long would it stay that way?
“Is this your first baby?”
Yes, Baby S is my first baby.
“Is this your first pregnancy?”
No, this was not my first pregnancy. It was my third.
If you have ever had a miscarriage, however, you know that being pregnant and having a baby are not the same thing.
“Is this your first?”
Well, it depends on whether you mean pregnancy or baby. When people ask me this, I usually just say “yes” because I assume they mean child.
“I am very sorry that you lost a baby.”
I don’t feel like I lost two babies. I lost two pregnancies. It was crushing and sad and awful but it is not the same kind of loss as a still-birth or a child that dies very young. I never got to hold or see my child; the idea of a baby was completely an abstract concept. I lost the hope, joy, and potential that a baby represents, but I did not lose a baby.
“You got the baby you were supposed to have.”
What do you say to this? I had two embryos die in my uterus, had the insides scraped out, bawled my eyes out, etc…, just so I could arrive at the “right” baby? Baby S is here, yes, because I had two miscarriages. The particular sperm/egg combination was unique to that month. Yet, without knowing why the other pregnancies failed, I do not know how to process the idea that those pregnancies were somehow wrong or “not meant to be.”
Anyone want to add anything else?