Pump ‘N’ Bitch

The fucking wee yeasties are back.

Again.

For like the 5th or 6th time.

If you have never had yeast, it burns like someone is pouring battery acid on your nipple after you nurse.  For me, it is more painful than mastitis.

So, I am back on the Diflucan.  Double the regular dose for two weeks with two more months of refills.  Baby S is on Nystatin for two weeks to make sure he stays clean.  I have to go wash all my bras in hot water and vinegar and continue to boil everything that touches my nipples, i.e. all of my pumping stuff.

Baby S’s doctor and I decided that I will pump ‘n’ dump for a few days and give him formula.  Since we have passed this infection back and forth while I was exclusively pumping, she is assuming that there is yeast in the breastmilk itself.

None of this sounds so bad, right?  I mean, it doesn’t sound like fun, but the worst part is the actual feeding part.  It nearly makes me cry to give him formula and dump breastmilk down the drain.  I know it does not make rational sense but it just feels so very wrong.  My breasts ache to nurse him and I realize now how emotionally invested I am in the nursing relationship.

Yet, on the other hand, it is strangely freeing.  Knowing that he can eat whenever he wants, have as much as he wants, and be fed by anyone is oddly liberating.  My goal is to make it to at least a year: 4.5 more months to go.

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February 1, 2009. Life With Baby, Other Sucky Things, Post-Pregnancy Fun.

6 Comments

  1. Jensational replied:

    Thrush is absolutely horrible. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. It took me forever to get rid of it when I had it. But you’re right to think of the liberating things. Not a lot of babies will flip/flop between formula & breast milk so that’s very awesome that Baby S is so adaptable. Hope you recover soon.

  2. farah replied:

    hurts like burning! I am sorry

  3. Nicky replied:

    Not sure if you’ve already taken this into account (if so, feel free to ignore me, of course!) but… when I had problems with yeast, my lactation consultant mentioned this to me even though both my doctor and my son’s pediatrician had never mentioned it, and it helped to clear it up for us: if you have yeast, it is ALWAYS passed through the breastmilk, and it doesn’t die when frozen. So, if you have breastmilk frozen in your freezer from one of the previous times you had yeast, you should throw that away, too. If you’re feeding him contaminated milk, it might be why the infection keeps re-appearing.

  4. liz replied:

    I’m so sorry. Pumping’s hard enough without dumping.

    Take advantage of this time, though and have your husband do the middle-of-the-night feedings.

  5. Sam replied:

    I read this a week ago and wanted to give my support but then something baby related took my attention. And then thrush struck my household and OH CRAP maybe it was karma for not commenting. Any suggestions? Please have suggestions. At this point I am treating Egg with nystatin orally and my nipples feel weird and itchy but not horrid. I’m drinking nasty probiotic crap and hoping for salvation/an end to breastfeeding woes.

  6. Wendy replied:

    I so know how you feel. I nursed Katie exclusively for 8 months and I think a little piece of me would have died if I had to give her formula or God forbid someone else feed her. Yep, call me a selfish bitch! But somehow I think you will all make it through. And then you can get back to breastfeeding again. And I bet once you pass the year mark, you’ll keep doing it because it’s just easier and the pressure to make it to a certain date is off.
    Wendy

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