I have a new plan. It is not terribly exciting, but I will feel better if I write it down.
Next spring, I am going to do another study-abroad trip. I can’t handle the spring break thing, but I will ask if I can do it in May. We will save and save so that Mr. MC and Baby S can go along with me. We will also save and save so that we have a nice big nest egg.
This will be May 2010.
After that, we can start trying for another one. Baby S will be almost two at that point, and my midwife’s advice was to wait until he was at least 18 months before trying again.
This will give me a chance to have my body to myself for a little bit and try and lose some of this breastfeeding weight.
This will allow us to beef up our savings.
This will allow me to enjoy the heck out of Baby S.
This is the new plan, because I like to plan.
And, because abstract plans are boring, here is a picture of Baby S:
When you are trying to get pregnant, or trying to stay pregnant, it is all consuming. You live you life in two week increments: waiting to ovulate; waiting to take a pregnancy test; waiting for the next ultrasound, etc….
Here I am with Baby S, my wonderful, glorious son, and I feel like I should be doing something else. I feel — dare I say it? — like I should be trying to get pregnant.
The problem is, I do not think I am ready to be pregnant again. I am still breastfeeding and I would like to have some time to have my body to myself before I have to share it again. I would like to lose weight. I would like to work on my research. I would like to not have to divide my attention between Baby S and another child.
Yet, there is this nagging feeling that I should be doing more. Is it my biological clock ticking? Or it is just that for years, a healthy pregnancy was all that I wanted? I am not sure. I do want another one, I really, really, really do, but I can’t pinpoint why I keep thinking about it so much right now. Baby S is only nine months old. Still, it might be easier to just stay in the trenches? To just do it now instead of waiting?
Or perhaps I have just become obsessed with the means and not the end.