There, I Said It

Niobe put up another  Niobe’s True Confessions.  I found the first edition horribly unsettling (is everyone really cheating on their spouse and/or having suicidal thoughts?) and I can’t bear to read the second.  Instead, I will post my own version of “true confessions.”

1) I do not enjoy breastfeeding.  On 22 June, I will have made it a whole year.  Baby S has refused to nurse for over a month, so I pump between 2-3 times a day.  I do it exclusively because the health benefits for him, which are particularly important given all the auto-immune issues in our families.  I don’t even remember loving it when he was actually nursing.  There were days when it was okay, but mostly I felt like it was a chore.  Still, it is a minor chore and may bring him a lifetime of health benefits, so I pump.  And pump.  And pump.  I will continue to pump until I go back to school in the fall.

2) Giving birth was not a transformative experience.  Having a baby was/is a transformative experience, but pushing him out of my bajingo did nothing for me except, well, to get him out.  I would have been fine with a C-section if it had been necessary.

3) I weighed 30 lbs. less when I was 9 months pregnant.  Fuck.

4) I have the worst acne I have ever had while breastfeeding — huge, cystic zits that really hurt.  I have gotten facials, I have applied zit creme, I have used every product imaginable; nothing seems to work.

5) The only thing that keeps me from wanting to try again for another baby right away is my trip to Europe scheduled for next spring.  It’s the hormones talking, I swear.  My logical mind is no match for my hormonal mind.  A 2+ week European trip, however, is no match for my hormonal mind.

6) Having my own biological baby has made me more interested in adoption.  Go figure.

June 9, 2009. Another One?, He-Beastie's Big Debut, Life With Baby, Post-Pregnancy Fun, Ramblings, South Beached Whale, Way Too Much Information.


  1. Farah replied:

    Great post! Go you for Bresatfeeding/pumping for a YR! I was a quiter when MT went 3 weeks w refusing to bf.

    I think it is very cool that you are interested in adoption.

    I like these confessions much before than the ones you mentioned previous

  2. Nicky replied:

    Wow I’m glad I’m not the only one who was so unsettled by the Niobe confessions thing. Because seriously, why did these people ever get married.

    I also say kudos on the one year breastfeeding. When LL went on strike, I only lasted 1 month with pure pumping. I like to think it’s because I was needing to pump 6-8 times a day and would have stuck with it if I could get away with just 2-3, but I’m not sure that’s true.

  3. Melissa replied:

    Amen to the I-hate-breastfeeding-and-pumping rant! I’ve been pumping exclusively for six months now and it truly makes me miserable. Good gosh, this is definitely the worst part of the whole mothering experience.

    I never understood all the women who claim how much they love breastfeeding. It’s quite a mystery to me.

  4. K @ ourboxofrain replied:

    I do love breastfeeding, but I do not love being bitten by a child with teeth, and I loathe pumping but do it anyway. Loathe pumping. Especially loathe the declining output and the pressure I feel to fill the bottles for tomorrow. If he stopped nursing, I would probably stop pumping. I’m impressed you have stuck with it.

    And the weight. I loathe the weight. I too have gained weight (after losing some) while breastfeeding.

    As you can see, your confessions resonnated with me, far more so than the unsettling ones chez Niobe.

  5. Sam replied:

    You go girl! Typing with one hand sux, but holding sleeping Egg = good.

  6. yael@machonpuah replied:

    Interesting observations…

    I loved breastfeeding…looking forward to being able to do it again.

    So relieved that I pushed the baby out without a c-section..

    Pregnancy was really hard, yet there was something amazing about feeling a baby move inside of me…

    While I have the utmost respect for those who adopt, there is something to experiencing the pregnancy, and having a biological baby..

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