I remember when Princess Diana gave birth to Harry and the media quipped that she had fulfilled her duty of providing the royal family with “an heir and a spare.” At the time, I thought it was a very odd thing to say but an even odder way of thinking.
I was talking to my friend the other day and she brought up her step-sister, who had a series of miscarriages before ultimately giving birth to her daughter.
The step-sister now wants another child because — and I am paraphrasing here — you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket. She said something about never knowing what could happen and wanting to have more children because she lives in fear that something might happen to the one she had. My friend was horrified and said she just could not understand how a 21st-century mother could think like this.
But I do understand. Two miscarriages taught me to be this cynical.
I don’t worry about Baby S (who isn’t really a baby anymore!) constantly or obsessively, but I do know, first-hand, that shit happens. I want another child because I want another child; I want to have children that can grow up together and learn from one another. Yet I understand what this woman was saying. You lose a pregnancy and you see how fragile and delicate life is. You see how your hopes can be shattered in a minute. In my case, I do not think I will ever completely let my guard down. I try not to let this fear for Baby S overpower me or color how I raise him, but it is always there. Always.
My horrendous migraines are getting better. I had a month where I had one almost every day and it was truly awful. My neurologist recommended I use a new type of magnesium supplement, upped the dose of my migraine medicine from 20mg to 40mg, and recommended that I take Reglan along with my regular medicine when I get a headache. Reglan is typically used as an anti-nausea medicine but it has also been found to help reduce the severity of migraines. It is also used for — hold onto your seats here, folks — stimulating milk production.
I have decided to stop pumping this week and I am now getting migraines due to the hormonal changes and one of the meds recommended to help with the migraines stimulates milk production.
Are you laughing? I am not laughing.
It has been three days since I have pumped and WOWEE!! do my breasts hurt. I worked down to pumping just once a day and it took until last night to get really uncomfortable, but I know if I pump again, I will just stimulate more milk production and I will have to start this process all over.
I made it a year and I want my body back. I need to lose weight. At Baby S’s 12-month check-up, his pediatrician suggested we give him cow’s milk in a sippy-cup, and he seems to like it. While part of me still wants to pump and give him breast milk (I keep hearing the “human milk for human babies!” rally cry of the breastfeeding mafia in my head), I made it a year and I just can’t pump anymore.
I am just taking Tylenol and hoping my body gets the “no more milk, please” message soon. If we get cabbage leaves in our CSA box, I may try that, too. Hopefully, I will feel better in a few days.
Edited to add: I am doing it cold turkey because while I know that this may make my bewbies sore(er), it will minimize the duration of the hormone drop, which is what causes my migraines. If I string the process out over two weeks, I am going to suffer that entire time with headaches.