Not Sorry

Mr. MC (and Belinda) think I am being too hard on my FB friend.  Perhaps.  But I am not sorry.  So there.

Of course I could leave her alone.  I could unfriend her and go about my merry way.  But I can’t.  Really, I can’t.  I am just so repulscinated (repulsed + fascinated) by the whole thing.  I can’t look away.

Of course it is her choice to announce whatever she wants whenever she wants to.  What gets me is that she is not even 5 weeks pregnant and she just told hundreds of people that there will be a baby at the end of May.  Not that she is pregnant.  Not that she is hopeful that there will be a baby at the May.  No, she announced that there will be a baby at the end of May because she got a positive pregnancy test.*  And then 25 people told her how freakin’ wonderful that was and that they couldn’t wait to meet her beautiful new baby.  And then her husband announced it to hundreds of more people.**  And then more people told him how they couldn’t wait to meet the baby.

Again, she is not even 5 weeks pregnant.

Is it unfair of me to judge her?  Probably.  But I am filled with disgust because I know, as do many, many people, that a positive pregnancy test does not mean baby.  I am annoyed that this couple and many of their friends are jumping up and down with joy instead of at least entertaining the thought that something could happen.  There is not a hint of caution.   And at 5 weeks, nothing is guaranteed.

Mr. MC thinks I am jealous.  I don’t know that I am jealous; perhaps I am bitter.  Mostly,  I am just annoyed at how stupid she is.  Not stupid because she told people she was pregnant ( for example, I had to tell my officemate when I was only a few weeks along because I was puking by that point) but that she and her husband had no hesitation to broadcast it via Facebook.

To be fair, I am generally annoyed by stupid people and I find naivete irritating instead of charming.  I consider myself a generally happy person, but I do not live in a happy bubble.  These people live in a happy bubble and, frankly, it’s just a little too “rainbows and unicorns” for me.

I know how lucky I am.  Really, I do.  I have two healthy, happy children.  I have also had the inside of my uterus scraped out twice.  I have seen an empty sac on an ultrasound.  I have watched a dying embryonic heart.  The miscarriages made me a better mother and — dare I say it? — a better person.

This probably makes no sense and perhaps I should just stop trying to explain why I am so horribly judgmental and upset by this.  Actually, I know I should.  But I can’t.  Really, I can’t.

*Exact quote: “Baby _______ , The Sequel, due to a hospital near you on or around May 26th, 2011.  Previews to follow.”

**Exact quote: “Oh, by the way…baby #2 is in the oven and cooking away!”

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September 23, 2010. Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

12 Comments

  1. moon replied:

    with 2 miscarriages on my shoulders, i am 100% with you on this one!!!

  2. Yo-yo Mama replied:

    That’s why 90% of my friends are fellow bloggers b/c IRL people piss me off too much and therefore I would never be on FB if I had to deal with all those ignoramouses.

  3. caro replied:

    I’m a bitch too.

  4. Heather replied:

    Yeah, I’m with you too. I think it’s not only crazy to ‘count your chickens before they’ve hatched’, I find it to be a cry for attention.

  5. Mr. MC replied:

    To clarify: What I thought MC was jealous of was this person’s cheerful assumption that nothing could go wrong. I think that MC envies her innocence. I think it must be very nice to so filled with optimism and free of anxiety about one’s pregnancy.

    I think it may be unwise to announce so early, but it isn’t something to dislike her for.

    Because we know she’s NOT stupid, I can only assume that she believes she is prepared to deal with the possible difficulties of sharing her tragedy with everyone (if the pregnancy does not continue).

    When it comes to character flaws, I tend to think of “irrational optimism” as one of the more desirable options.

    [/My $0.02]

  6. Kate replied:

    I find it annoying that she would announce it on facebook so early on but also jealous of her naivite. It sounds like she didn’t have to try very hard to get pregnant so why would she worry about it being taken away from her? You and I and so many others know differently. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant is the true miracle.

  7. missedconceptions replied:

    Mr. MC — I did get that you meant jealous of her naivete. I am not jealous that she is pregnant. Been there. Done that.

    I totally disagree. They are NOT prepared to deal with things of this doesn’t work out. Her husband teaches at a University, has many “friends” who are students, and he announced it via FB? You don’t tell your students that your wife is pregnant after one positive pee stick. Please. Not academically stupid, but still stupid.

    “Irrational optimism” is fine when you are young. I find it annoyed in anyone over 30.

  8. msplanner replied:

    I find it generally annoying and – quite frankly – vulgar when people announce such personal happenings on FB. One of my “friends” announced her separation to her “friends” on FB. Ranks right up there with announcing a positive pee stick. Then again, I also find it annoying when people announce things like how they are feeling that minute or what airport they are stuck in. Who the eff cares!

    Please, everyone.
    Log off FB.
    Go forth and be present in your real life.
    Not your own, imagined version of “The Real World.”

  9. Angela replied:

    We know what you mean. You shouldn’t be sorry.

  10. preconceptionist replied:

    I probably qualify as an irrational optimist. I did manage to hold off a FB announcement until 12 weeks right after we heard the heart beat via doppler. I don’t know how I could ever understand the true threat and pain of miscarriage unless I actually go through it.

  11. alice replied:

    Completely annoying – and I can totally relate. The husband’s best friend made a similar announcement – and then told us that he didn’t think it would be so hard to lose it at that point then later on when it looked like a baby on an ultrasound! He didn’t stop to think that he was talking to two people who at that point had miscarried four times at 8 weeks – just about the most insensitive thing I can imagine. People are complete idiots.

  12. Anna Matos replied:

    I understand your point, but…. I had a friend at work who had been trying to get pregnant and after being late, someone ran out and got her a test that she took and it came out positive. She was so excited she was crying, so of course told a few of our (female) coworkers and someone in the office who overheard came by and told her, “Congratulations, but…” and then continued to tell her about falling down the stairs pregnant & losing the baby. So this woman turned what was a completely joyous moment into her own version of a ‘learning moment’ instead of just letting my friend be happy and excited. My friend, like every woman, knew very well what could happen to the pregnancy but at that moment, she was excited and happy and we all just wanted to be happy for her.

    So yes, you have a right to your opinion, but to apply your feelings to everyone isn’t really fair. As my friend has said later (and this is hard for me to imagine since I’m a very private person), she said if something were to happen to the baby, she’d want all the support she could get so telling people early on was not a negative for her. It’s really about each person’s individual personality. While I’d rather keep it private, it was her right to announce it how she wanted and if needed, grieve how she wanted.

    And to the person who finds it vulgar to announce things on Facebook? Isn’t is a little pot calling the kettle black since you are obviously on Facebook enough to read these posts from your friends and family? And since you choose who can see your posts, most people use it as a quick way to tell a large group of people something they really don’t want to have to explain a hundred separate times, such as why she decided to separate from her husband.

    Although it’s easier said than done (and I know this firsthand, I’m not innocent here), you can’t really judge the motives of other people.

    However, it IS your blog and you can bitch about it all you want, so go for it! I just wanted to weigh in on the other side of the argument since nobody else has.

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