Grateful, Sort Of

Given that 50% of my pregnancies ended before the first trimester, I know I should be more grateful to be at 28 weeks.

I am, of course.  Thrilled, actually, and very excited.

But being pregnant, at least for me, sucks.  I still regularly puke.  I am still nauseated most days.  I get at least one migraine a week.  I am starting to count down the weeks (12) I have left.  What scares me is that I am not even that big and I know as the belly gets bigger, things get more uncomfortable.

Walking around pregnant while holding S’s hand in a restaurant led one woman to actually remark that I was “very fertile.”  Obviously, explaining to her about the uterus of death, the two miscarriages, and the daily shots I take to sustain this one, was out of the question.  I just weakly smiled.   Sure, whatever.  Fertile myrtle I ain’t.

I am grateful to be pregnant.  I am grateful that all indications are that this is a healthy baby girl.  I am grateful that I can still get out of bed and go to work, even if I have to pump myself full of anti-puke medicine.

Still, I will be glad to deliver this baby and be done with the whole pregnancy thing.

May 3, 2010. Fertile Myrtles, Pregnancy #4. 2 comments.

Blasphemy, I Tell You

I do not know exactly where I am in this cycle.  I think right now I am about 5 or 6 days past ovulation.  I am itching to test already.  I have some of the expensive tests upstairs but I wanted some cheap ones so that I could start testing on Wednesday (which will be 9-10 days past ovulation) before my trip to NYC.  I went to the Dollar Tree to buy their super-reliable-yet-conveniently-inexpensive tests.  They were out.  OUT!  As in, not a one of them in sight.  I searched everywhere.   I moved boxes and boxes of dollar douche.  Nothing.  Nada.

They are still available on their website, but I think ordering a box of 72 might be overkill.

How can the Dollar Tree be OUT of pregnancy tests?  Where are all the teen-age mothers and I in my town to obtain our super-reliable-yet-conveniently-inexpensive HPTs?  Blasphemy, I tell you.

p.s. I went on-line and ordered some from  I will not test until they arrive.  I will not test until they arrive.  I will not test until they arrive.

November 8, 2009. Another One?, Fertile Myrtles, Trying Again, Waiting Around is Not For Sissies. 2 comments.

On the Edge of Your Seat

I know you have just been dying to know what my Facebook friend’s lastest update is.

Here you go:

“ok, so the kiddo is smaller than a grain of rice here but… c’mon… have you seen a cuter piece of rice?!”

She still has the u/s photo as her profile picture.  Again, who the heck posts u/s pictures in a public formum when their “kiddo” is only only the size of a grain of rice?

She is really pissing me off.  I can’t unfriend her, though, because I can’t look away.

Besides, other bloggers can talk about (proto-) baby #2, and my life is just not that interesting right now.

April 29, 2009. Fertile Myrtles, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. 3 comments.

Without A Shred of Irony

My Facebook “friend” — Ms. Fertile Myrtle — just joined this Facebook group:

“Smacking Stupid People in the Face So Hard They Might Get Smarter.”

I fucking kid you not.

Oh, and I deleted my congratulatory note to her.

April 20, 2009. Fertile Myrtles, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. 5 comments.

Of Course

There is a new FB update: they found a heartbeat.

“OH BABY!! the kiddo has a heartbeat! Amazing… my husband and I have accomplished what millions and millions of people before us have… and it’s still a miracle!”

She changed her profile picture to the ultrasound photo.  It’s still so early that the yolk sac is double the size of the “baby.”

It is taking every ounce of self-control that I have not to write, “I sure hope it keeps on beating because it would really suck to have to announce to 161 people via Facebook that the heart stopped at week 9.”

I know, I am such a bitter bitch.

April 17, 2009. Fertile Myrtles, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. 6 comments.

A Fool and Her Peestick are (Too) Soon Posted

I have an acquaintance, actually a friend of an ex-friend, who I am “friends” with on Facebook.

She posted an update a few weeks ago that she was “officially ‘in the family way.'” I was genuinely excited for her and wrote her a little congratulatory note.  I was impressed she got pregnant the very first month because they had only begun trying in February.

Well, she had gotten pregnant quickly, but not as quickly as I had assumed.  I assumed that she announced it on Facebook when she was into the second trimester.


Today her status update read: ”  ________  is really excited to find out if the lima bean has a heartbeat yet…

She posted on FB that she was pregnant the same day she got a positive pregnancy test.  She had not even seen the heartbeat.   She was not even a few weeks along, let alone into the second trimester.

I hope that everything is okay, I really do, but … well, if you are reading this, you know why I hesitate.  Even I was not that naive before my first miscarriage.

Her friends are already planning her baby shower and all the cute gifts they are going to get her, yada, yada, yada.  I think she is a fool, but maybe that is just my bitter cynicism.

April 14, 2009. Fertile Myrtles, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. 8 comments.

Oh, To Be This Naive

Expectant Mom Carnie Wilson Reveals Baby’s Name

1.  She’s 40.

2.  She’s barely four months pregnant and not due until August.

3.  When she found out she was pregnant,  she immediately told her 3-year old daughter and they jumped up and down together in the kitchen.

4.  She also drew a little family around her positive pee-stick and hung it on the door for her husband to see.

5.  She openly referred to herself as a “fertile Myrtle” on broadcast television.

This is a woman who not only has never had a miscarriage; nay, this is a woman who, at 40, never even entertained the possibility of a miscarriage.  She has already freakin’ publicly named the baby and she is barely 4 months pregnant.  Oh, to be this naive again.

I can’t decide if I am jealous or if I really hate her.

Okay, I know I hate her but I am trying decide if perhaps I am also a wee bit jealous.

January 13, 2009. Celebrity Fertility Smut, Fertile Myrtles, Stupid Is As Stupid Does. 4 comments.